I'm a Bad Person

I can't really begin to express how grateful I've been to all the support I've recieved from people since my mom passed away last November. I can tell you I feel very blessed to have friends who've sent me cards, emails, and flowers to encourage me. I also feel guilty for not having written a single thank you card. No one has been more of an encouragement to me than Barbara, and I can't imagine having had to go through this without her. She also encouraged me to sing at the funeral, an experience I was terrified of, but knew my mom loved watching from heaven. It was the right thing to do and I think it helped me feel like I had some closure.

It's been a bit of an odd experience since. I find myself wondering why I haven't cried more or why I can still go about my daily life as if everything's the same. Since we returned to Portland, there have only been a couple of cases where it's really affected me. One of those times was when I installed the curtains she sent to me the Tuesday before she died, which we found waiting for us when we got back to Portland. I didn't put them up till late January, and they're tremendously beautiful, but somehow it felt like another act of goodbye. In reality, it's a tribute to one of the things that she got a great deal of satisfaction out of doing. I do miss her still, but her passing is a natural part of life, and I'm happy that she's in a much better place now where the miseries of this world can't touch her.

Thanks so much to all of you who've sent support, either via card, flowers, prayer, or simply a kind thought. They do make a difference.